Brevity Is the Soul of Wit, and It’s Also a Pretty Great Trait to Have in the Workplace Where It Really Helps You Eliminate Uselessly Long Chats

Did anyone else get the thing I did in the title? No? Alright, nvm, my bad. Anyway, we’ve both touched on this a little bit tangentially, but is there anything worse in life than having someone repeatedly explain something to you that you already get? (The irony of my 1700 word post about interviews is not lost on me, no.) Is there any feeling more helpless than listening to a group of people re-hash the same points over and over again in a meeting that should have taken five minutes but instead took the full 30 because people just couldn’t quite grasp what was really being said? I think I speak for everyone in the world when I say: no, nothing is more annoying than that.

It’s one thing to get roped into conversation with your coworkers — they usually mean well, and contrary to the essence of everything I’ve posted here, having an office full of quiet, miserly dicks would be impossibly annoying. That part’s fine, in small doses. What’s NOT fine is having a work-related conversation about work-related topics and hearing people repeat themselves and reiterate the point countless times. I’m serious, I think this is the thing that aggravates me more than anything else in the workplace — we’ve tackled a lot of subjects here, but just thinking about this one is already upsetting me. Join me on this blood-boiling adventure — the Fury Train is pulling in to Aggravation Station! (I am getting worse and worse at these metaphors, aren’t I?)

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A Case for the Mondays

Seriously, grandma, I get it.
Seriously, grandma, I get it.

“Ah…Monday.” We’ve all heard it a million times, right? And don’t act like you don’t know what context I mean that in: this is WJ, I’m not talking about the time in kindergarten when we learned what all the days of the week are – I’m talking about the bane of your coworkers’ collective existence. Monday. Fuckin’ Monday. MONDAY. A day so universally hated everyone comments on it, including/especially the media. From Office Space to Garfield and everywhere in between, I don’t think I’m overstating anything when I say Monday is literally the worst thing to ever happen in human history even if you combined all of the bad things into one super bad thing.

(By the way, why does Garfield hate Mondays so much? What is he so happy about during the weekend that Monday takes away from him? He doesn’t have a job, his day-to-day responsibilities are basically limited to eating lasagna and mocking Jon…his Mondays sound pretty fuckin’ cool if you ask me.)

(Oh, and one more quick detour while I’m at it [I know, sorry, I’m all over the place today]: If you haven’t ever seen Lasagna Cat or Garfield Minus Garfield, do yourself a favor and check out both. They’re both excellent, excellent reimaginations of Garfield. Totally worth your time.)

Monday though, you guys, seriously though: it’s the worst right? Oh wait a second: Nope. Turns out you’re just lazy and lame and looking for any reason you can find to complain. Most people thrive on complaining (but, uh, not ST and I, that would be ridiculous) – Monday is easily the second-best day of the week, and if anything it’s doing you a FAVOR by filling the “I need to complain about something” void in your life.

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A Quick One-Act Play I Wrote

Sad but true, man…sad but true.

 

….Vaguely based on ST’s awesome post and, unfortunately, my own life. Enjoy!

 

ACT I

[Interior: Divisional office building. Bright, fluorescent lights illuminate the hallways. The hushed tones of conferences calls offer ambient noise. Jon McComb, a mid-level manager, approaches the desk of Joe St. Germain.]

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