There’s No “I” in “Team,” But There’s Also No “We” in “Corporate Functions Are Boring and Useless”

Pic taken from the amazing and sadly short-lived series Stella


Company picnics: we’ve all been there, right? You, your coworkers and their kids and partners, all hanging out in a park or at a family fun center or something. You eat a hot dog or a hamburger, drink a free beer, enter a raffle, maybe play a few games, then you call it a day. Sounds pretty innocent, maybe even, dare I say, fun. Right?


Sorry, let me start over again: Company picnics: what a fuckin’ pain in the ass, right? You, your lame coworkers and their annoying families you don’t care about, all hanging out in whatever place was cheapest for your HR/Events department to rent out for a day. You’re surrounded by terrible food and drink options, the top prize in the raffle is a gym bag and a $25 Olive Garden gift card, and there is NO chance you’re roping yourself to fucking Darryl in IT’s leg for a three-legged race because one wrong move and he’s going to topple over and crush you. Then you call it a day, wondering how you got to this point in your life and wondering why you even went.

Good question, friend, because corporate functions are outdated, useless and incredibly boring experiences to be avoided at all costs.

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